5:10 PM

The celebrity conspiracy

...to end all tabloids.


For years, celebrities everywhere (and most rational thinking human beings with normal lives) have complained that these celebrity gossip trash papers are the lowest form of "journalism" imaginable. So, who cares if Celebrity VonFamous shops in this store or the other? Why is it important to know that they were "spotted" here or there? Are they some sort of endangered species that we need to keep track of?

Well, by now most of us understand that it's not important. And I'm pretty sure no one really cares, so then what? Why do they sell?

First off, we need to understand that famous people are interesting just because they are. And I'm pretty sure they themselves understand it too. Because at some point every one of them, with very few exceptions, was not famous. At some point every one of them saw someone famous in a movie and wondered what they were like in real life. I don't know why this is "interesting", but I guess it just is.

And that's the question that tabloids attempt to (although not really at all) answer. What are famous people like in real life? And this is why they keep selling, because we all wanna know what they're like. What they're really like. But see, there's no way to know. Not this way anyway. Because when you're coming out of a store and you see three cameras pointing at you, you stop "being yourself". Because someone is invading your privacy. Because what the hell, you're just trying to buy some milk, so fuck off. So I totally get it when they lose their temper and smash a camera or two. Hell, I even understand when they refuse an autograph. It's gotta be annoying. "These people think I belong to them".

But. Everyone likes a little attention. As long as it's in our own terms, right? I'd hate to have ten photographers follow me as I walk to the store to buy a magazine. It'd be beyond annoying to have some dude with no sense of personal boundaries walk up to me and ask me how I feel about whatever... But the prospect of having tens or hundreds of people reading these very lines is exciting. Because I'm deciding what I want to say and how to say it. How it is presented and how far I take it.

And I'm guessing stars, celebrities, famous people... are no different. Why would they be?

Enter YouTube, Facebook, blogs and most of all: Twitter. And thanks to them, those insanely vacuous outlets of gossip and nonsense are becoming more and more irrelevant everyday. Because now the link between star and fan is direct. We can get these bits and pieces directly from them, and filtered in a way that they are comfortable with. No one's privacy is invaded. Fans feel closer. Everyone is happy.

Except that greasy guy with the three day stubble sitting on the curb with a camera by his side and a paper in his hand looking for a real job. Because no one really wants to see pictures of famous people buying milk. They just want to feel like they're close.

To end. Top three things I've heard about on Twitter (from a celebrity twitterer -- click on the message to go see what each one refers to):

From @ThatKevinSmith






From @HitRecordJoe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)







From @Jon_Favreau






Note to self:
At some point, write something were it doesn't sound like I believe the only thing Twitter is good for is following celebrities. Remember to mention the many awesome Skeptics out there, Filmmaker mag's crowdsourcing of the editorial submission process, news headlines in real time and event-tracking... Better yet, just link that much better and far more articulate article on Lifehacker.